Sep 23, - As Sue Perkins said recently in the Sunday Times Magazine, “Does not a lesbian have a fallopian tube?” In our case we had four between us.

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We knew what they were thinking: Gay women are no exception.

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I suggested that they never make assumptions about any patient. When we mentioned children to the oncologist, we were met with a look of surprise. And just as with any other human being, it is useful not to assume, compartmentalise or judge. People can be tactless, make assumptions, and — because heterosexuality is the norm — they often get it wrong.

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It was hard enough coming out, let alone suggesting that we wanted to be parents too. I wonder what he would have said to a heterosexual woman — or just a woman. I suggested that they never make assumptions about any patient. Now that my wife and I are older, people find it easier to ask whether we ever wanted children, so I tell them our story of cancer and miscarriage and failed IVF, and how when we were younger it was even more complicated than it is now to have a child in a gay relationship.

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I assume I will feel sad, a passing of sorts; while my family and friends cuddle their grandchildren my arms are empty. While the fertility department was superb with us, never once making us feel as if we were different to heterosexual couples, the oncology department was oblivious to our wish to have children. Now that my wife and I are older, people find it easier to ask whether we ever wanted children, so I tell them our story of cancer and miscarriage and failed IVF, and how when we were younger it was even more complicated than it is now to have a child in a gay relationship.

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I suggested that they never make assumptions about any patient. And while I would never consider having a child in my mids, despite older women doing so, the option of having a child will be gone for ever. I wonder what he would have said to a heterosexual woman — or just a woman. When I mentioned children, their jaws dropped.

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There was no provision in place to deal with this issue, none of the literature even mentioned infertility as a possible effect of chemotherapy. Believe it or not, gay women and heterosexual women are both women. Some people, men and women, had children when they were in heterosexual relationships, and later left partners for a same-sex relationship. When we mentioned children to the oncologist, we were met with a look of surprise.

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Believe it or not, gay women and heterosexual women are both women. We were a gay couple.

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When we first discussed fertility treatment, all those years ago, our then GP asked if we would talk to two junior doctors about being gay. Thirty years ago things were very different.





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5 Commentsto Rough lesbains

  1. Negar says:

    Thirty years ago things were very different.

  2. Malanos says:

    Now that my wife and I are older, people find it easier to ask whether we ever wanted children, so I tell them our story of cancer and miscarriage and failed IVF, and how when we were younger it was even more complicated than it is now to have a child in a gay relationship.

  3. Bakree says:

    And while I would never consider having a child in my mids, despite older women doing so, the option of having a child will be gone for ever.

  4. Kazrall says:

    And while I would never consider having a child in my mids, despite older women doing so, the option of having a child will be gone for ever. When we first discussed fertility treatment, all those years ago, our then GP asked if we would talk to two junior doctors about being gay.

  5. Dagul says:

    When I mentioned children, their jaws dropped.

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