Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: Narcissistic parents may see themselves as elite, but because they never achieved a certain level of success, they may find meaning in living vicariously through their children, explained Behary. The wrongdoing is always heavily spun and trimmed to make it sound better. Scapegoating accomplishes much the same thing.
She wouldn't buy your school pictures even if she could easily have afforded it. Hemera Technologies via Getty Images Not all narcissists command the spotlight with their bold, brash personalities. The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother's actions. If you tell her she cannot bring her friends to your party she will show up with them anyway, and she will have told them that they were invited so that you either have to give in, or be the bad guy to these poor dupes on your doorstep.
While her children are still living at home, any child who stands up to the narcissist guarantees punishment for the rest. Then they call you or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you demanding your immediate attendance. Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she's thinking about how she's going to get even. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses.
As a last resort she goes pathetic. Malkin says there are three signs an adult child should consider going low or no-contact with parents:
You may not have been beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother would have made an effort to relieve your misery. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person's side even if she doesn't know them at all. Does your mother want to control your choices? This need is a defining trait of narcissists and particularly of narcissistic mothers for whom their children exist to be sources of attention and adoration.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
Posted by: Gogore | on October 2, 2012
She may ask for the gift back or tell you what to give her. As always, this combines criticism with deniability.
Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Consider going low or no-contact with abusive or manipulative parents.
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