She knows what she did was wrong and she knows your reaction is reasonable. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. She "guesses" that "maybe" she "might have" done something wrong. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
These babyish complaints and responses may sound laughable, but the narcissist is dead serious about them. You always went to school with stomach flu because "you don't have a fever. Typically all communication between siblings is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other at all.
The daughter may not realize it because she has probably internalized an absurdly thin vision of women's weight and so accepts her mother's projection. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty. You were never allowed to be needy or have bad feelings or problems.
She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. She has always pouted, manipulated or raged if you tried to do anything without her, didn't want to entertain her, refused to wait on her, stymied her plans for a drama or otherwise deprived her of attention.
You aren't hysterical at all; she is, but your refusal has made her feel the shame that should have stopped her from making shameless demands in the first place. She undermines you by picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. If you fail to excuse her bad behavior and make her feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and unfeeling when your poor mother feels so awful.
She may bring up subjects that are painful for you and probe you about them, all the while watching you carefully. Of course, if you try to jog her memory by recounting the circumstances "You have a very vivid imagination" or "That was so long ago.
Posted by: Telabar | on October 2, 2012
Always, she'll blame you for her abuse. She's enraged by your refusal and snarls at you that you'll talk about it when you've calmed down and are no longer hysterical. You feel like an extension of her.
Everything she does is deniable. I was so worried about him!
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