My parents were educated but working-class Scots who wanted to get as far away from their shitty past as possible. First, let me tell you how Buttfuck this place was.
They had slogans such as "Tomorrow''s city Our motto was, "It ain''t shit ''til it hits the fan" but the bully from The Simpsons later said it much better when he asked Bart, "If no one gets mad, are you really being bad?
Unfortunately, guys started memorizing cereal lists, so we were forced to switch it to chocolate bars to keep things interesting. I think that''s God''s Pin Art way of saying, "Stick to booze," but every time God spoke, I put my fingers in my ears and said, "La la la. So, the day our teenage years began, we took our cold, bleak, lame environment and magically converted it into Funtown by using drugs.
Whether it''s an Englishman in Ontario, an English speaker in French Canada, a Canadian in New York, or the only dad at the family resort covered in tattoos, I''ve always been most comfortable when I''m out of place. We also started a club that we pretended was a gang. This was in the pre-safety days when not only did we not wear helmets, we didn''t even wear shoes, and if your bike didn''t have brakes, you''d have to stop the front tire with your bare foot. It had just settled on a flag in and was yet to choose a national anthem they chose "O Canada" in
Like all ex-poor people they wanted a better life for their kids and this seemed like a great opportunity. It was a beautiful spring night, and the moon was so bright, we could see all the clouds perfectly. We stole hovercrafts and walked through trees. We were all such old hats at sneaking into stuff, we actually preferred it when they chased us.
Steve always went cross-eyed in his ID pictures and eventually we made it a tradition--even for the yearbook. I realized I was tripping balls.
Posted by: Daigal | on October 2, 2012
Marty''s harelip was obvious, but we''d known him for so long we couldn''t see it. If anyone farted or burped without saying "safety" before someone else called "slut," everyone in the gang got to beat the poo-stuffings out of him until he could name five breakfast cereals.
Can you blame them for kicking my ass? I acquired X-ray vision to see through houses and observe how people lived when they didn''t know they were being watched.
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Can you time them for kicking my ass. It was more than a unpleasant harelip; it was a full, american, head-of-harelip.
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