Deception for me was denial of relational needs and fraudulent living and tolerating You are told that when your husband denies being gay, he's not lying.

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Husband is gay and in denial

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I am not invalidating the brutal homophobia that sent people like my ex-husband so deeply into his closet that he had to use me as its door. And that is dishonest, dismissive, and divisive. I asked him on different occasions; he always denied it.

Husband is gay and in denial

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Essentially, their reaction can be summed up like this: The truth is, while we are not claiming that our husbands and wives were narcissists because they were gay, we are claiming, unequivocally, that when our spouses are both gay and mentally ill, the mental illness interacts with the homosexuality in a way that leaves us particularly wounded. I was born and raised by homophobic people and structures, and I was persuaded to be a homophobic gay man. Way to be a witness, Believers, of how to win hearts and minds!

Husband is gay and in denial

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The past linkage of homosexuality and psychiatric disorders has made us unwilling to open that conversation and look at the very real and unique ways that being gay or gay-in-denial influences our narcissist spouses to act. We are undoubtedly unqualified to diagnose anyone, perhaps most of all our own ex-spouses, with whom we have been in a tangled psyche-web of co-dependence, projection and transference from which we are working to heal. Yet again, for those of you who believe you know better than those of us who've lived the journey, just taking my word for it would fan the flames of my world against yours.

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So he had to shame my sexuality and shut it down. Here is the article referred to above.

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Their reaction went something like this: I wanted to have sex. They kept looking at the clock during our meeting, as though I was bothering them.

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Being married to a closeted gay person colors the kinds of sexual neglect or sexual abuse we may suffer at the hands of our narcissist spouses, and this neglect and abuse varies from that inflicted by a heterosexual narcissist. If you haven't lived and breathed sexual orientation confusion, felt gay shame, or laid awake at night wishing that you really could pray the gay away, then honestly, you've nothing to contribute to this discussion and everything to learn from reading further as to why some gay men take the road of heterosexual matrimony instead of embracing the truth of who they are -- gay men! I suppose, I thought it would fix me. But through my experience, and knowing hundreds of straight spouses in this situation, there is a dire need for clergy and believers to offer true empathy and support for the straight spouse.

Jul 19, - I wanted a family and to have the “American Dream” I felt I could never have as a gay man. I wanted to deny the gay in me and live a straight life. Feb 23, - Posts about Gay In Denial written by SameSides. 1) The straight spouse (SS) desires for their gay spouse (GS) to change their minds. Aug 22, - Jennifer, now 29, had never suspected that her husband was gay. in the limbo of ignorance or denial, while their husbands explored their.

Posted by: | on October 2, 2012

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I was abjectly and repeatedly sexually rejected by my ex-husband, in the most intimate way a person can be rejected. And he left me to conclude I was the problem.

Husband is gay and in denial


And I am in pain, and angry. It actually can cause more hurt and derision for the people who need the church the most. Once I came to the epiphany that nothing I do can change what has happened, I felt free to let go of our marriage.

Husband is gay and in denial

Husband is gay and in denial

And I am in tell, and angry. If I needed out back then, I would have even kicked out of the rage. Husband is gay and in denial

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3 Commentsto Husband is gay and in denial

  1. Tara says:

    All of the stuff in my past is just a tool to use to offer encouragement and empathy to others. My own bookshelf is a library of modern personality psychology.

  2. Tolar says:

    The Straight Spouse Network thanks Kristen for her perspective. Give us the support we need by pointing us in the direction of others who have been in a MOM before us.

  3. Muramar says:

    The truth is, while we are not claiming that our husbands and wives were narcissists because they were gay, we are claiming, unequivocally, that when our spouses are both gay and mentally ill, the mental illness interacts with the homosexuality in a way that leaves us particularly wounded.

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