In their book The Self under Siege: How many times have we acted against our self-interest, then asked ourselves why did we self-destruct? The third step involves challenging the destructive defenses or adaptations we made to the pain we experienced growing up.
A Therapeutic Model for Differentiation , co-authored by Dr. Step one involves separating from the destructive attitudes critical inner voices we internalized based on painful early life experiences. They often hold us back from getting what we really want, instilling fears in us that we will be hurt in the same ways we were hurt as children. In their book The Self under Siege:
For example, if we often feel embarrassed or ashamed and, as a consequence, hold ourselves back socially, we can start to push ourselves to be more outward and open. One thing I have learnt on my journey around self-sabotage is that I was sometimes trying to protect myself or who I thought I was and my vulnerabilities and waiting for someone to save me and not consciously self-sabotaging.
When we fall victim to our critical inner voice and listen to its directives, we often engage in self limiting or self sabotaging behaviors that hurt us in our daily lives. How many times have we acted against our self-interest, then asked ourselves why did we self-destruct? These adaptations may have helped us in childhood but, very often, hurt us as adults. Help support our effort to bring psychological information to the public by making a donation.
We can stop self sabotaging behaviors and choose the person we want to be. If we grew up with a self-hating parent, who often viewed themselves as weak or a failure, we may grow up with similar self sabotaging attitudes toward ourselves. One thing I have learnt on my journey around self-sabotage is that I was sometimes trying to protect myself or who I thought I was and my vulnerabilities and waiting for someone to save me and not consciously self-sabotaging. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind.
Once we familiarize ourselves with our defenses, we can differentiate from self sabotaging behaviors and live a more liberated life, in which we are more powerful and much more in control of our destiny. Maybe you are self-sabotaging and listening to the inner critic or voice too much, without questioning those thoughts , beliefs, excuses and bringing awareness to or feeling the emotions , so you can gain insight and see what is really happening?
Posted by: Kazrasar | on October 2, 2012
Step one involves separating from the destructive attitudes critical inner voices we internalized based on painful early life experiences. For instance, if we were used to being let down or rejected as children, we may have formed a defense that shuts us off from wanting or expecting much from others.
Jane 7 Comments June 14, Do you feel that something is holding you back? Once we have separated from the negative overlays from our past, we can uncover who we really are.
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