She said they would have to go around her! Having persons of both homo-and hetero- sexual orientation When my gay friend asked if I wanted to go out to the club, I ask if the club would be co-sex oriented so that there was something for both of us.
I immediately followed this by reassuring him that I was not coming on to him. This is exactly what should not happen, in my opinion.
Now, as an older man, I enjoy offering younger gay men the blessings derived from the wisdom I've gained over the years, and the things I can say and do to help them feel better and confident about themselves. Historically when gay men reach a certain age, they tend to withdraw from the dating and bar scene, from interaction with younger men, afraid that they will no longer be seen as attractive, or as predators.
When I was a younger therapist, older gay men in their 40s, 50s and 60s would tell me they disappeared at gay events, and that other gay men--particularly younger ones--didn't notice them. I suggest that they enjoy the freer sexuality that comes from getting older.
I immediately followed this by reassuring him that I was not coming on to him. As a man approaching middle age myself, I looked forward to the book. Apparently, Bergeron found the prospect of becoming middle-aged unbearable and isolating. This is not the answer.
And if they are rejected or made to feel invisible, I encourage them to not take it personally, to not neuter themselves or give up on their sexuality, and to not be offended by younger guys who might call them "Daddy. I once told a gay male client in his 20s who was struggling with not feeling attractive that he was, in fact, a very handsome and hot guy, and that we needed to work on his self-esteem. We gay men are also capable of being vibrant, alive, and remaining attractive and alluring. Remember, there is a place for us at middle age.
Posted by: Tashura | on October 2, 2012
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I challenge my clients to work on staying in shape through exercise and eating well, but also to remain involved in the gay social scene, to be out among younger people. I told these men that life was what you make of it, and if they were invisible we needed to discover what they were doing to make that happen.