A lot of men and women end up in limbo after discovering that their spouse is being unfaithful to them. At some point, it may be very tempting to tell your mate to "just get over it. Not being consistent in your recovery plan.
In these situations, the hurt spouse wants to continue to understand what has happened and wants to continue to talk about it; the unfaithful spouse will often interpret that as an attempt at punishment. Below are some tips. Obsessive thinking is marked by an ongoing stream of negative thoughts that carry on even when you are trying not to have them. So, prepare yourself for having to firmly and definitively refuse contact.
The best answer for the why questions is to tell your mate you will do everything possible to search for the answer, but admit you don't want to sound defensive while trying to answer a question you don't necessarily know the answer to. Failure to forgive would result in your mate remaining a victim. So, prepare yourself for having to firmly and definitively refuse contact.
Read more Obsessions In some cases people become completely consumed with thoughts about the affair. After all is said and done, there will always be a lot more said than done. For these individuals, what they don't know truly does hurt them. Give your mate time to recover, and then begin to address the other issues in the marriage.
If your mate believes that you've laid out the whole truth and nothing but the truth, that there are no more surprises or painful revelations yet to come and then your mate encounters multiple "oh by the ways" or other discoveries as time goes on, then it will eventually destroy your mate's ability to believe a single word you say. It may seem easy for you to think even a minor inconsistency is no big deal because you know your heart's condition and your intent, but your mate does not. The way the betrayed deal with trauma caused by infidelity is by talking about their feelings.
It's easier for your spouse to be angry with the affair partner than it is for her or him to be angry with you, and if you defend the affair partner, your mate is likely to feel that you are more loyal to the affair partner than you are to your mate and your marriage. At some point, it may be very tempting to tell your mate to "just get over it. Threats result in fear, guilt, and shame.
Posted by: Kagalar | on October 2, 2012
It is imperative that you say what you mean and mean what you say. Listen empathetically, and let your mate know you heard what was said.
Getting the truth out, all of it and unvarnished to your mate is a great opportunity to display real integrity and safety: Giving your mate the information she or he feels is needed is important because your mate must rewrite the history of your relationship.
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