My mom is dead, and even when she was alive, we fought much more than you and your mom do. Eventually, any remnant of a healthy connection is destroyed, as the foundation of trust, intimacy, respect , and security crumbles under the hammer of manipulation. Especially if they see you're uncomfortable with confrontation, they will use it to quickly control you and get their way. In fact, they may consciously or unconsciously create relationships with people who are the most vulnerable and willing to be controlled.
Emotional manipulators often try to intimidate others with aggressive language, subtle threats, or outright anger. If you do, it will just empower them to do it again. They might use passive ways of letting you know they're mad or unhappy by pouting, stomping, or giving the silent treatment. They undermine the legitimacy of your complaints by reminding you that their problems are more serious.
Emotional manipulators seek out the vulnerabilities in people in order to exploit them. Emotional manipulation can be subtle and deceptive, leaving you confused and off-balance. I hope you found the examples of manipulation and action steps helpful in dealing with an emotional manipulator.
They pledge their support, but, when it comes time to follow through, they act as though your requests are entirely unreasonable. Remind them of that, and how they are perfectly able to cope with your decision or actions. If you knew what kind of childhood I had, you'd never ask me to do that. An initial eagerness to help swiftly morphs into sighs, groans, and suggestions that whatever they agreed to do is a huge burden.
Especially if they see you're uncomfortable with confrontation, they will use it to quickly control you and get their way. If you knew what kind of childhood I had, you'd never ask me to do that.
Maybe your husband raises his voice and slams doors when you do something he doesn't like. If you suspect you're involved with a partner who wants to manipulate you, then now is the time to take action to end the abuse. They want the attention and focus to be on them, and they want to make sure everyone in the room notices if they are angry, unhappy, or discontented in some way. Don't expose your vulnerabilities to someone who tramples all over them.
Posted by: Tatilar | on October 2, 2012
Click To Tweet Do you find yourself making excuses for their behavior or compromising your own beliefs and choices to accommodate them? If you're already in a manipulative relationship, it may be more difficult for you to pull away, as sensitive people often have a mixed bag of anger, loyalty, guilt, and insecurity tied up in these relationships.
Travis Bradberry is the award-winning coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2. Emotional manipulators turn your words to benefit them.
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